Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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