Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
