There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize