just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
