Pants 0. Shit 1.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
