I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
