Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
