I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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