he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
