Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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