Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
where are my eyebrows?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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