I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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