apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
