I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
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I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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