Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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