Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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