you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
