my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
