I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
