do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
