you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
