this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
