I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
