Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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