The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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