Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
