I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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