Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
