I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
