I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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