I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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