my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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