she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
