I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
