If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my liver is dry heaving
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
