I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
