i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
