I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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