i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
