I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
