Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
