sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So vagazzling was a success
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
