Where did you get a picture of my penis
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
