You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
