when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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