why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
