It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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