I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize