A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize