Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize