why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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