somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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