Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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