she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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