I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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