So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
