god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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