We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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