She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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