when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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