u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
