We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.