Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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