: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
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I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.