Texts From Last Night

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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture

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  (484): Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture http://tfl.nu/aclr
  Replies (23) Good night (741) Bad night (2256)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"

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  (912): your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?" http://tfl.nu/ccfy
  Replies (18) Good night (1212) Bad night (3965)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.

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  (225): Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess. http://tfl.nu/8pax
  Replies (47) Good night (4946) Bad night (1493)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

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  (832): I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY. http://tfl.nu/qe8v
  Replies (24) Good night (4668) Bad night (2146)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.

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  (254): Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me. http://tfl.nu/nie2
  Replies (9) Good night (3990) Bad night (1070)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.

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  (314): He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real. http://tfl.nu/dekt
  Replies (3) Good night (1629) Bad night (799)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.

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  (419): Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit. http://tfl.nu/7cu4
  Replies (13) Good night (2310) Bad night (756)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.

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  (928): So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something. http://tfl.nu/zx0n
  Replies (9) Good night (1403) Bad night (562)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.

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  (647): We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with. http://tfl.nu/g52q
  Replies (8) Good night (954) Bad night (1430)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?

  (1+44): View more from

  It's a podium place so yeah...

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  (+44): Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right? (1+44): It's a podium place so yeah... http://tfl.nu/cezg
  Replies (8) Good night (1421) Bad night (493)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You get home ok?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.

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  (404): You get home ok? (1-404): Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah. http://tfl.nu/6dv0
  Replies (2) Good night (1042) Bad night (398)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad

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  (978): Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad http://tfl.nu/d7yn
  Replies (7) Good night (1667) Bad night (593)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...

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  (603): Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume... http://tfl.nu/4fod
  Replies (3) Good night (491) Bad night (431)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.

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  (541): Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure. http://tfl.nu/rnbm
  Replies (1) Good night (465) Bad night (236)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%

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  (506): at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5% http://tfl.nu/ptkz
  Replies (1) Good night (209) Bad night (440)

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