I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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