so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
