wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.