Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.

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  (214): Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public. http://tfl.nu/c7j6
  Replies (3) Good night (620) Bad night (838)
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  (805): View more from California

  Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"

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  (805): Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore" http://tfl.nu/y23i
  Replies (2) Good night (1448) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.

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  (256): I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light. http://tfl.nu/687c
  Replies (21) Good night (902) Bad night (3695)
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  (707): View more from California

  there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?

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  (707): there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy? http://tfl.nu/j2tm
  Replies (28) Good night (3149) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.

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  (904): He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college. http://tfl.nu/3hcf
  Replies (19) Good night (2645) Bad night (6120)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am

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  (513): walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am http://tfl.nu/e35n
  Replies (13) Good night (3699) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.

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  (858): the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus. http://tfl.nu/isnl
  Replies (5) Good night (3497) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat

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  (781): you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat http://tfl.nu/04qy
  Replies (8) Good night (3115) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.

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  (734): The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me. http://tfl.nu/j8wb
  Replies (6) Good night (879) Bad night (1649)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night

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  (630): I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night http://tfl.nu/4uc3
  Replies (8) Good night (1332) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.

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  (617): She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI. http://tfl.nu/ewv2
  Replies (6) Good night (1730) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies

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  (406): I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies http://tfl.nu/i19i
  Replies (1) Good night (1133) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night

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  (614): You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night http://tfl.nu/2x2r
  Replies (1) Good night (732) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation

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  (714): I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation http://tfl.nu/yqvf
  Replies (1) Good night (883) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just want to make out with him forever

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  (203): I just want to make out with him forever http://tfl.nu/lf08
  Replies (1) Good night (428) Bad night (201)

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