my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
