just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.