Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

(1-530): View more from California

just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

(530): View more from California

yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

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(530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear. (1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now? (530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye. http://tfl.nu/oxzl

Replies (44) Good night (987) Bad night (4906)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone

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(832): moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone http://tfl.nu/qe9x

Replies (13) Good night (3201) Bad night (1338)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex

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(763): Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex http://tfl.nu/0lo0

Replies (27) Good night (1150) Bad night (3851)
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(315): View more from New York

well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her

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(315): well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her http://tfl.nu/gcpo

Replies (12) Good night (1217) Bad night (4178)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.

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(336): I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me. http://tfl.nu/4zk7

Replies (24) Good night (2730) Bad night (1095)
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(315): View more from New York

in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."

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(315): in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me." http://tfl.nu/9q0b

Replies (4) Good night (3947) Bad night (659)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.

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(401): Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile. http://tfl.nu/y928

Replies (5) Good night (5409) Bad night (935)
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(707): View more from California

Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.

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(707): Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room. http://tfl.nu/g35c

Replies (14) Good night (4449) Bad night (1165)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.

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(609): I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad. http://tfl.nu/4fga

Replies (11) Good night (3213) Bad night (2009)
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(520): View more from Arizona

She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math

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(520): She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math http://tfl.nu/3rkm

Replies (9) Good night (2402) Bad night (1114)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.

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(503): Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment. http://tfl.nu/acr2

Replies (7) Good night (1732) Bad night (982)
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(209): View more from California

I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.

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(209): I don't think child baring hips is a compliment. http://tfl.nu/0err

Replies (29) Good night (1339) Bad night (2694)
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(614): View more from Ohio

the wall and i were having dominance issues.

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(614): the wall and i were having dominance issues. http://tfl.nu/itlm

Replies (7) Good night (2485) Bad night (1822)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.

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(314): I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that. http://tfl.nu/dkkg

Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (276)
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(607): View more from New York

I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it

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(607): I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it http://tfl.nu/h8wz

Replies (2) Good night (497) Bad night (242)

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