I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
