Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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