so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
