Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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