So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
