Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
