did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
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$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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