Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
