I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
