ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
