Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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